In an ideal relationship there are two open lines of communication between the partners. This causes both partners to feel safe, because there is no hidden hurt and no “monsters” lurking around.
Relationship monsters are the silent stresses and issues that break your relationship down from the inside. And the monster we are going to talk about today is created from anger and/or hurt feelings that lurk in the shadows and don’t get expressed.
You feel like you’re making the right choice in minimizing your feelings and trying to let it go. But if you find yourself holding onto the hurt feelings in your relationship…eventually your relationship will have an even bigger problem.
So what happens when you hold on to angry and hurt feelings?
Something called your ‘baseline sensitivity’ towards your partner will rise. Because even when you think they are buried down, your feelings are still there. And if you don’t let them out…they WILL find other ways, often having nothing to do with the original incident.
You may react to smaller things in a bigger way leaving your partner thinking “where did that even come from?”
Eventually your relationship will become disconnected. The more anger, hurt, resentment and stress that’s carried in your relationship the bigger the emotional gap between you becomes. And it doesn’t matter if the hurt is being held by one or both partners, the effect is the same.
Your pain could even lead you to make relationship-damaging decisions. Affairs often happen when there are unresolved and unmentioned relationship issues. Because when your needs aren’t being met or you have underlying sadness, pain or anger you’re at a higher risk of making choices that will cause you more problems.
How Can You Deal With Them?
You may have actually assumed wrong. If you’re feeling hurt about something you assumed your partner meant and you didn’t clarify (and said nothing) you could be in pain for no actual reason! Not only are you suffering, but your partner may also be suffering from something that didn’t even happen.
There are countless reasons you could be struggling to communicate your difficult emotions and hurt. Because your experiences within your family and past relationships shape you into who you are, you carry them with you. And it’s important to remember that sometimes the experiences shape you in a way that does not serve you or your future.
You need to let the hurt go.
If you are holding on to negative feelings like anger, hurt and frustration it may feel impossible to change. If you’re struggling, find someone you trust to help you unpack those feelings. You can even chat with me here!
You can have the relationship of your dreams, let me help you!
Do you feel safe to talk to your partner about your hurt? Tell me about it in the comments!