“You must give to receive.”
I’m sure you’ve heard this phrase before, and you probably never questioned it. I mean…why would you? It’s everywhere.
Giving itself truly is good, there’s nothing wrong with it at all.
And giving even makes you feel good…that is up until the moment you give too much and that good feeling turns into pain and resentment.
Have you ever felt like you gave someone EVERYTHING you had…you were the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend, you gave and gave, then gave some more…only for them to just leave?
If you’ve ever felt this way or even found yourself talking about how much you gave, only to wind up heartbroken and resenting your ex…there’s a pretty good chance you’re an over giver.
What’s an Overgiver?
If you’re an over-giver…you are constantly left feeling broken, unimportant, empty and used because you continuously put someone else’s needs (or at least your perception of their needs) above your own.
Overgiving can sometimes look like;
- Canceling your plans to be with them every time they ask
- It’s been a REALLY long time since you had fun with your friends
- Sending pictures when you aren’t comfortable because they asked
- Having sex when you’re uncomfortable or uninterested because of guilt
- Being a people pleaser
- You’re ALWAYS available to your partner
- Putting off your own things to do, to get their to do list done
Basically, you constantly sacrifice your own needs in order to meet theirs.
Why do you keep doing it?
Subconsciously a part of you thinks(and hopes) that this giving will bring them closer to you emotionally, so eventually you’ll feel more appreciated and irreplaceable. You’ll feel secure.
When in reality they actually feel your over investment and this ends up damaging their respect for you.
Instead of coming across as loving you come across as a victim.
Try Being Selective!
Someone giving too much and denying their own life and needs doesn’t have much left to actually give to others. You cannot give when your cup is empty, and what you give has very little meaning when you have low self value.
Stop giving to get something, give when you want to give and ask when you want something.
Being selective in your giving will always make people feel more special than when you give everything. Learning to be selective will also prevent you from building up resentments against the people you love.
Do you struggle with over-giving? Tell me about it in the comments!
If you’re struggling to work on your relationships, I’d love to help support you – let’s chat here!